Now this picture makes me feel important. It was taken while I was at work. It seems that they look forward to my arrival all day. Oddly enough, I look forward to seeing them all day too.

For those who are wondering, the little dog is Brady. Lily is not pictured as she was securing and protecting a certain sector of the house, my bed.

In other news, in 4 hours my Thanksgiving break starts. I don't know who is more excited, me or the kids. Probably me. My plans for the week are simple, Exercise and video games, with a brief pause on Thursday for food and football (Saints play on Thanksgiving). I am excited about working out. it's been hard for me to getr into the swing of a full scale workout program. I really need next week to start getting into the routine. Today, after school I am heading to the store to get some aerobars for my bike. Aero bars help you to get into a more aerodynmic body position so that you use less energy while riding. This will come in handy at the half IronMan in April, or any other tri a may be doing soon. 

Well, I guess I'll  keep these kids out of trouble, 3 hours and 45 minutes to go!

And it stoned me...

..To my soul.

Everyday I walk into my classroom hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. A product of living in "Hurricane Culture" I suppose. Most days fall squarely in the middle, a little good, a little bad.

Today, I am seeing the worst, but am experiencing the best.

In American History we have studying the 1920's and 2 days ago started talking about the Harlem Renaissance. I briefly mentioned a few people who were part of the movement and what they did (Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, James Weldon Johnson, Langston Hughes) then showed a ten minute video on Zora Neale Hurston, and asked the students what they saw in the video that they thought was relative to their lives. The answers, most of them, centered around Zora (as they have taken to calling her, as if she were a dear friend) never giving up though faced with much adversity. I topic I talk about often in this blog.

So, i asked them to do a little writing. To answer the question: who are you? (oo oo, oo oo).

They worked on it for a while in class, asked me a few questions about what format to use and what exactly I wanted them to write. I replied: Whatever answers the question who you are, and in what ever format you think you can answer it best. After all, they are the experts on the subject.

Today they came in and I gave them the oppurtunity to share who they are. I told them it wasn't mandatory, that some probably wrote some personal stuff that they may not want others to know.

One by one volunteers walked to the front of the class, and shared. They shared stories of hardship and tribulation. Broken homes, broken bones, broken hearts. Lives of violence, poverty, drugs, alcohol, abandonment. Lives of seeing fathers kill and be incarcerated, lives of cracked out mothers, lives of lonely, scary nights hiding under the bed or crying themselves to sleep.

and more...

...lives of falling in with the wrong crowd, doing the wrong thing, being there at the wrong time...

and more...

...lives of walking away from the wrong crowd, doing the right thing, and making it the right time.

Lives of not giving up, looking on the bright side, finding a reason to carry on. Lives of hope, love, and redemption.

Lives of Redemption.

Lives of Redemption.

One by one i listened to their stories, I found out who they are. More importantly, I think they found out who they are. They found out that they are not the only one. Others have been through the same thing and have survived it and grown stronger from it. They showed how strong they are just by getting up to share, they gave strength to others, that they too can over come. They have shown me that I too can overcome the obstacles before me.

I came in today hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst. My heart has been broken today, and has been fully restored. The healed wound is often strongen than it was before. I saw the worst today, but am experiencing the best.

An Off Day, Part 2

"Once you learn to quit, it becomes habit" - Vince Lombardi.

It seems that the legendary coach has summed up my previous post in 8 words. Thanks Coach!

An Off Day

As most of you know, I like to think of myself as an athlete(of sorts) and I am very proud of the athletic achievments I have accomplished in the last few years.

Now, I could go on and tell you about the things I have done and how great it was to cross the finish line or how happy I was to wear the medal, etc......

But that's not whats on my mind. The last few weeks I have been thinking alot about my future goals; doing another marathon, my 1st half IronMan, 100 mile bike ride. To achieve these things it's gonna take a lot of work, dedication, and sweat. And this is where my thoughts take a turn from the positive ones that i usually write about to the events of a regular, ordinary, ho-hum 3 mile run.

A few months back I started training for an Olympic distance triathlon (1 mile swim, 25 mile bike, 6 mile run) and the training was going well until one ordinary day when I was supposed to run an "easy" 3 mile run (easy because my longer runs were 10-12 miles at the time). About a mile and a half into the run I just stopped running and started to walk. I told my self that I would just walk to the end of that block. Well, I walked the 1.5 back to the house.

Never before had that ever happened to me. I had been running for a good 5 or so years and never had that happen. 2 days later, it happened again. I cut the workout short for no reason. Was it self doubt? Was it burnout? I don't know. What i do know is that it has been hard to shake, hard to overcome. It has even gotten to the point where I fear training for anything because I am afraid it will happen again.

Ok, hold that thought.

I see a similar thing going on with the kids at school. It seems that these kids, and here I am referencing all 4 schools I have taught at, are used to giving up. It seems to have been instilled in many of them, through lack of consequence perhaps, that giving up is a viable option, that hard work is for suckers, that success should be given rather than earned. It disturbs me that I can make that last comment with such confidence in its accuracy.

I don't pretend to be Mr. Hardwork, if there is an easier way i am likely to take it. Who wouldn't? But many of these students are giving up before they begin because they don't think they will be successful anyway, and they don't want to waste their time trying if they are just gonna fail.

End critcism of the students. We will ride that horse some other time.

But there is an easy parrallel to be drawn between my issue and that which I see in the classroom. No one wants to fail, and no wants to waste their time if it's gonna result in failure anyway.

This is where the story turns.

In the Olympic distance triathlon that I was training for I had the best open-water swim I ever had, I also had the best bike ride I ever had in a triathlon and both of these distances were longer than any race I had done before. Even though i caught a cramp in my back coming out of the swim, I still put in my best bike ride. But, Shortly into the run, I walked. I tried to convince myself it would just be for a minute. Well that minute turned into walking about 4 of the 6 miles. The ability to quit was already in me, and it showed itself. When I finally crossed the line my family was there and seemed really proud of me. But i was silently hurting inside and felt that I let them down, and worse, I betrayed myself.

That makes it hard to get started again. At that point it would be easy to have stayed down on the mat, but you know I can't do that. You have read enough of my posts to know how much I love a redemption story, how much I love the story of the guy who finished last, but overcame great adversity to finish at all.

Hopefully, that will be my story. I never claimed to be a great athlete, I never claimed that I could win any race, but I have overcome adversity before, and i will overcome adversity again. I will run today. The thought of quitting will surely cross my mind. I will have to make a decison: run? or walk?

I have failed at many things, many times, but I have picked myself up and dusted my self off just as many times. All I can do, all any of us can do, is face the challenges before us on step at a time, one day at a time. I can't predict success in accomplishing all my goals, and the students can't predict success on every assignment. But we can decide while on the run to day if we will run or walk. And though i cannot tell you what decision i will make tomorrow, today I will choose to run.

Slice like a Ninja, cut like a razor blade.

Last month i watched "Ninja Assassin".


Yesterday I got in another movie from netflix. The movie is called "Ninja".
 
Kelley commented, "Are you gonna keep ordering ninja movies?"

My reply, "yes, i will order ALL the ninja movies".

I thought I was over you

I thought I was over you,
but I guess its not true.
I lay in bed at night
thinking of you.

When i finally fall
into sleep and to dream
you call out to me,
how near you seem.

When I awake
your names on my mind.
yellow cake chocolate icing
why must you be so unkind?

When I Look in the Mirror

when I loof in the mirror, I sometimes see
a 10 year old boy looking back at me.
boundless enrgy, full of hopes and dreams
naive to the world and it's harmful schemes.
He's ready to run and jump and experince it all
with never a thought of a crushing fall.
Does he know me and from where I've come
Would he be happy with who hes become?

when I look in the mirror, I sometimes see
a man of 20 grinning back at me.
He has a look in his eye that the worlds in his hand
he can do it much better than anyone can.
There's a pep in his step, and love in his heart,
He sees oppurtunity before him and he's ready to start.
I see his confidence and desire, his wit and his charm
does he see the hurdles before him that threaten him harm?

When I look in the mirror, I often see
a man whose turned 30 looking for me.
He's working so hard, to fix mistakes of his past
he knows his times coming and its coming fast.
he's working for the future, to be secure in his home
he's learning that to do it right he must do it alone
His charm and his wit are taking a beating
he's learning there's no future, only failure in retreating.

When I looked in the mirror this morning I saw
all 3 of those people, and yet I saw more.
I saw all of the people who have helped and have harmed
I saw the pain that built strength and the need to press on.

When I look in the mirror, once I did see
A man about 40, hiding from me
he was dressed in my clothes, a stranger I'd say
he looked like his best friend had been taken away
I wanted to speak, but no words were found
he looked like he wanted, but could not hear a sound
Could he have know the words never spoken?
was his heart full of joy, or had it been broken?

When I look in the mirror, I plainly see
I kind grey haired gentlemen, laughing at me.
He looks like my father, and a bit like my mom
and like the pictures of grandpa with his fire suit on.
why he is laughing its hard to tell
has his life been a pleasure or has he suffered through hell?
Is he laughing with joy because there is nothing to fear
or that he knows that I'll keep fighting year after year?

When I look in the mirror, I want to say
I don't know the future but I wont go away
I have enjoyed great pleasure, and endured great loss
both sides have come at highly paid cost
Sometimes I will fail but I will not give in
Sometimes i'll be the savior and sometimes I'll sin
through all of my future, as has been in my past
I will fight till I finish, be it in first place or last.